i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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