I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
