Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
