hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
