gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize