id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i've created a new STD.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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