1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
