WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
