Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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