Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
