I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
