I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
