Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
