her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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