C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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