just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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