She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
