They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
