Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants