Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?