Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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