Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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