I just made out with a guy for $7.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
