I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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