the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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