Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
