Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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