i permit you to call me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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