It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
