btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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