i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the condom got lost in my hair
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
