please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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