I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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