Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is wine microwaveable?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize