Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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