So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
