watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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