just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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