Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
