This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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