A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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