i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
