the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
