My friends, they love my intelligence
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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