i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
