U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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