was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
