I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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