Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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