i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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