You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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