Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
