so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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