Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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