The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize