this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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