life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
