i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
pray to the hookup gods
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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