she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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