i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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