Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
