I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
