i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
