was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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